Our God is greater, our God is stronger God You are higher than any other Our God is Healer, awesome in power Our God, Our God
-Our God by Chris Tomlin
I AM PREGNANT! And...it's a GIRL! We are so very blessed and thrilled to be adding another baby to our family.
But let me back up just a bit. Like all babies, this baby is a miracle, and the story behind how I came to know I was pregnant is pretty special (to me anyway), and I want to share it with you.
It was Friday, May 24th—the Friday of Memorial Day weekend. I got off work early and picked Roman up from daycare so we could go to the playground at a nearby park. It was a hot day, and the only other people at the park were an older man and his 2.5-year-old grandson. The older man and I chatted a bit as our boys played. He was telling me about his other grandson, a newborn, who was at home staying out of the heat. I expressed my sympathies for his daughter who had been pregnant in this heat and then we got on the topic of his children and what time of year they were born. He said that his first child was born at the beginning of May, so his wife had mostly stayed out of the summer heat and had a pretty easy pregnancy. Then he told me about his second child. He said his second child was due at the same time of year, in May, but his wife had a miscarriage. But, she got pregnant again and her new due date was in August of that same year. So his wife had to be pregnant all summer and definitely had more pregnancy related challenges with the baby that was due in August because of the heat.
In that moment, I got chills. Something sparked inside of me.
The older man left—time for lunch—and I had time to process. I had not mentioned anything about my miscarriage. I didn’t even tell him about my miscarriage after he mentioned his and his wife’s. But, here was an older man casually mentioning miscarriage to me. We were strangers to each other. He could have told me that story without mentioning the miscarriage. …Do you all get how odd that is? Maybe not. But let me tell you, after I shared my miscarriage story on my blog, I had tons of people (at least 50+) reach out to me. Do you know how many of them were men? One.
Yet, here was a 65-ish year old man, a complete stranger to me, who I was having a casual conversation with, and all of a sudden, he throws in the word miscarriage. Again, he didn’t know I had had a miscarriage. Do you know how many other times in my entire life the word miscarriage has ever come up in a casual conversation with a stranger? None.
Here’s the other thing that stuck out—his wife was due in May, but was pregnant again and had another baby by August. That’s three months difference in her due dates. Oh my goodness that was quick. Having been in the baby-making mind-set for some time, I could do the math. She either never got her cycle back and got pregnant right away after her miscarriage, or had one cycle and then got pregnant. Wow. In that moment, that story gave me hope.
I went home for my son’s nap. Once I got him down, I couldn’t shake what had just happened at the park. It seemed so unusual. And for some reason…I felt like I should take a pregnancy test.
But that was crazy. Of course I wasn’t pregnant.
But, a few moments later, to my own surprise, I found myself ripping open a digital pregnancy test I had at the house—left over from all the ones I bought before my miscarriage. I thought to myself, I’ll just get rid of this test so I won’t be tempted to use it in the future. It was part of a pair of two tests and I wanted to throw away the box, clear out some space under my sink. It would just confirm that I wasn’t pregnant so I could know to continue to expect my period any day now.
As I waited for the result, my anxiety was through the roof. Was I actually hoping it would come up pregnant? Why was I feeling this way? Of course I wasn’t pregnant. The likelihood of that was slim. This was just going to rule it out. I started feeling silly and stupid for even taking the test.
My heart was pounding as I approached the test after the 5 minute wait was up. I felt ridiculous. But then, clear as day, I read the word “YES+” on the test. I was in shock and disbelief, and to be honest, a bit angry. It wasn’t fair to make me think I was pregnant at such a vulnerable time. I wasn’t elated or overcome with joy. I was panicking.
I started chugging water. I had another box of pregnancy tests under my sink that I had not yet opened. I needed to take another test. That one couldn’t be right.
As I waited for the need to pee, I called my husband. He didn’t answer. I called again. No answer. I called again. After 4 or 5 missed calls, he called me back. He asked if everything was okay. My response…. “I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I’m freaking out.” His response… “What?” Again, I repeated myself. Then I told him I was going to call my mom and my sister because I couldn’t deal with this by myself. He had to get back to work. I was home alone. Roman was still napping. I needed to talk to someone.
Two hours later, another pregnancy test came up positive. Two pink lines.
Day after day I took pregnancy tests and they all came up positive. I took a total of 13 tests in about a week.
I quickly told my immediate family, my work family, and just a small number of friends. I realized after my last miscarriage that I would tell them anyway, be it for better or for worse. But I told them in the same way that I had told my husband. I didn’t say “I’m pregnant!” Instead, it was, “So…I took a pregnancy test and it came up positive. Actually, I took several pregnancy tests and they are all positive.” I was still in disbelief.
I went to the doctor on my 30th birthday for the blood test to check my HCG levels. This test would either confirm or deny that I was pregnant again. I got my results two days later—pregnant. My HCG levels were pretty high (over 11,000) confirming this was a new pregnancy after my miscarriage and they wanted to do an ultrasound to determine how far along I was.
I had the ultrasound on June 12th. They estimated I was about 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant and would be due on February 4th, 2020. I was due with Rain in November 2019. My due dates were about 3 months apart. 3 months. The same time frame as the older man I had met at the park and his wife.
I believe my encounter with that older man at the park was a God thing. I wasn’t even thinking I could be pregnant before I spoke with him. I don’t think I would have taken a pregnancy test for a long time if I had not had that conversation with him. I would have just assumed I was irregular, like so many are, after a miscarriage.
I never got my period back after my miscarriage. While I knew pregnancy was possible in that first cycle after my miscarriage, I didn’t think it was plausible. We had no way of knowing when I’d ovulated. There was no way to predict or calculate anything. While we still wanted a baby, “trying” for a baby was the farthest thing from our minds. This baby growing inside of me is an unexpected miracle. And I can’t wait to meet this sweet baby GIRL…our rainbow after Rain.
I am so very excited to be able to share this happy news with you all. I still have half of my pregnancy to go, but for now, I can say that this is my happy ending, the one that I had hoped would come but didn’t know if it ever would. It came quicker than I expected, and I am so thankful for that.
I want to share more about this pregnancy with you. It has not been an easy one emotionally or physically, but I’ll save that for another day. Right now, I just want you to know that I feel so very blessed. I got pregnant quickly after my miscarriage. While this doesn’t happen to everyone, or probably even most people, I want you to know that it happened to me. It also happened to the older man in the park and his wife. And my hope is that if you have suffered a miscarriage and are waiting on your rainbow baby, that this story gives you hope that it can happen to you too. My heart goes out to all of you who are still in the waiting.
I want to say a sincere thank you to all of you who have been praying for me and my family. He answered.
I prayed for this child, and the Lord answered my prayer and gave him to me. -1 Samuel 1:27
I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord. -Isaiah 66:9