Hey mamas and happy Sunday! I just love weekends, don’t you? This weekend I got to spend some extra time with family and it was wonderful. I’ve also been working on some exciting things for Grace Up Mama! Since I started Grace Up Mama, I’ve had big dreams for it. Part of those dreams is to share the stories from many mamas who have walked through all different kinds of motherhood journeys. Today, I am so excited to introduce you to some of the mamas that I’ve asked to guest write for Grace Up Mama! I admire all of these mamas for so many different reasons, and I can’t wait to have them share a bit more about their motherhood journeys with you.
Today, I’m going to be introducing you to eight different moms—and I thought a fun way to let you get to know them better would be through them all answering the same question! I contacted each of these amazing mothers and asked them to answer the following question:
What is a challenging moment you experienced in your motherhood journey that now you are able to look back at and laugh (or that you had the grace to laugh at in the moment)?
Are you ready to meet these incredible mamas? Let’s see how they answered this question!
Meet Amy: Amy is mama to daughter, Audrey, and son, Ryan, both under the age of five. She runs her own photography business full-time in New Jersey and New York. Amy is also my older sister and BFF for life. Here is how she answered my question:
“I was taking my first flight with my two kids by myself! I was so nervous and knew I would need a lot of coffee to make it through the next few hours. I slide into our row next to a nice looking lady, giving her an apologetic smile. I then attempted to get Audrey buckled into her seat as Ryan crawled around on the floor below. This isn't so bad I thought...until the nice lady beside me tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Honey, your coffee is dripping on your child!" I looked down and sure enough, Ryan had iced coffee dripping down his forehead! I was so embarrassed but all I could really do was laugh. Now I drink my coffee before getting on the plane. :)”
Meet Lucy: Lucy is mama to Gus, not yet quite two. She has the most beautiful singing voice I’ve ever heard, has played in multiple bands, has produced her own album, and is amazingly talented. She’s also my BFF from the time that we lived in Tokyo, Japan. She also has another little one on the way! Here is how she answered my question:
“The most challenging motherhood moment for me was that I could not breast feed Gus. It was something I wanted so badly to be able to do, and either the circumstance (he was in the NICU for a while), or my body's biology (my sister was also not able to nurse 4/5 of her kids), did not allow me to have that experience! At the time, I was very distraught, I felt severe anxiety and frustration, and immense guilt that my son was subsisting entirely on formula. It took me four months to finally give up my pursuit (I tried everything. I mean, EVERYTHING). Now I am pregnant with my second, and although I look forward to trying again to breast feed, this time I am going to be kinder and more forgiving to myself, and not let the outcome, whatever it may be, define me as a mother! If I can't breast feed again, I will try to move past that obstacle with grace, knowing that I am still a great mother."
Meet Jennifer: Jennifer is mama to a beautiful daughter and handsome son, both under the age of seven. She is also expecting another little one very soon! She and I met through a mutual friend and she has the most beautiful heart. She is also a Rodan and Fields rep and business owner! Here is how she answered my question:
“Oh my gosh, practically any trip I’ve ever taken to a doctors office with both kids in tow could work as an answer to this question. I mean what is it about a doctors office that makes my children turn into loony monsters!? I just don’t know. However one visit in particular, to my daughter’s dentist, will always remain at the top of my list for WORST doctors visits EVER.
To make a long story short, let’s just say that my daughter’s fear of the dentist chair coupled with a very needy and cranky infant resulted in one of the worst two kid, simultaneous, meltdowns of my mommy life.
That appointment ended so badly that the sweet office manager ended up chasing me down in the parking lot because she knew I needed a boost of “mom-encouragement” before driving off. As she started trying to comfort me, I completely lost it. Now, not only were the kids crying but I was too AND on the shoulder of a complete stranger! I was SO embarrassed at the time. There was no laughing at the situation in the moment, just tears. However, I do remember as I shut my car door to regroup and checked myself out in the mirror, I got an immediate chuckle of my choice of shirts for the day. It read, “I need coffee.” All I could think about was the entire staff making comments for the rest of the day along the lines of: that girl needs a whole lot more than some coffee. 🤪Needless to say, I only wear that shirt to bed these days as it has some really bad daytime ju-ju.
As I drove off, I swore I would NEVER set foot in that doctors office again. But, “never say never” is a phrase for a reason and time does mend a broken ego. Fast forward to approximately 3 years later, with MULTIPLE trips back to that dentist under my belt, my “office angel” and I were talking about her upcoming retirement and of course that epic meltdown from 3 years ago was still our go-to topic of conversation. This time, I could laugh and not cry over the memory of it all. Until, out of nowhere, she brought me to tears when she said to me, “You know what?? In the 20 plus years I’ve been doing this, you are one of my favorite moms.” I looked back at her puzzled, wondering if she’s retiring because she had completely lost her mind; but she continued confidently saying, “Yep, you did the right thing that day. And I think you’re a great mom.” Can we say, full circle moment? I vote we all need a sweet office manager in our lives to be our parking lot hero, help us look back and laugh on one of the moments we felt was a complete “mom fail” and change that perspective from failure to winner...even if it did take 3 years to realize.”
Meet Brione: Brione is mama to two teenage daughters, Marietta and Charlotte. Brione is an attorney in North Carolina, but is also licensed to practice in several other states. I am so lucky to get to work alongside this amazing woman because not only is she an incredible and dedicated mom, but she is also the smartest person I know. Here is how she answered my question:
“Breastfeeding my children was very important to me. I wanted my children to have the health benefits and the bonding experience that comes from breastfeeding. With my oldest daughter it was fairly easy. Don’t get me wrong – we had to learn how to latch on; my milk coming in was uncomfortable; the first few times she nursed were painful. But we got into a routine and a rhythm, and I cherished our nursing time when we snuggled and bonded and I nourished my child. I nursed her for a full year. When my second daughter came along there was no doubt in my mind that I would also nurse her for at least a year. Or so I thought.
From the very beginning trying to nurse Charlotte was a capital-D Disaster. To say we couldn’t find a rhythm is an understatement. I had so much milk I needed her to nurse every two hours. But from day one she slept for a solid four hours at a time. She would not wake up to nurse. When she woke up on her own, I nursed her. Two hours later I pumped. This two-hour routine of pump-nurse-pump-nurse made me produce even more milk. I would become so engorged in those two hours between pumping and feeding I couldn’t wait to feed her. Charlotte, however, would not stay latched on. She didn’t have a problem latching on. She chose not to stay latched on. Anything and everything distracted her – the dog walking by, a bird chirping outside, her sister, a piece of fuzz floating around in the air. She just had to unlatch and turn her head to see what was going on around her. Unfortunately, my milk didn’t stop running when she unlatched. It flowed, like one of those water guns at a carnival you use to shoot water into the clown’s mouth to blow up the balloon until it pops. The flow was non-stop. Before I could get a cloth to my chest to catch it, she would be covered in milk. And it wasn’t just once during a nursing session; this happened over and over. By the time she was done eating the poor little baby was soaked in milk. I was soaked. The chair was soaked. Every nursing time was a mess.
To curb my milk flow I tried pumping less each session and eventually I stopped pumping at all. I just suffered through being engorged. At first, that made nursing sessions even harder. Now there was even more milk to soak the poor baby. But then it had the opposite effect and I stopped making much milk at all. By the time she was four months old I was no longer making enough milk to sustain her. Charlotte, of course, continued to be distracted by everything so what I did have left only ended up soaking her. What had been a wonderful bonding experience with my first daughter was a debacle with the other. At the time it was not something I could laugh about. I knew I was a failure as a mother. I could not provide nourishment for my child. Our bonding time was a mess. I was going to have to give my child formula from which she would not get all the health benefits that breastfeeding could give her. I failed her.
It took me a long time to accept that I had to give her formula. I always felt I had to give an excuse for it anytime someone saw me give her a bottle of formula. She’s now 13. She is healthy and happy. She actually has fewer allergies than her sister who was breastfed. Now I can laugh as I think about this sweet, tiny baby soaking wet from trying to eat yet and how crazy I must have looked trying to stop it. I laugh now remembering that she never fussed about being squirted and soaked with breastmilk. I was the only one freaking out. I laugh now at how much extra laundry I had to do. I laugh now because I probably was failing her trying to breastfeed her; there is no way she was getting enough in those first four months given how distracted she would be trying to nurse. The bottle was so much better for her – she could get as much as she needed in between distractions. I didn’t fail her. I did the best I could in the moment, and that’s all we can do as mamas.”
Meet Lori: Lori is mama to twin girls, Avery and Ella Kate. I’ve known Lori since high school and trust me when I say that she is not like a regular mom, she’s a cool mom. She has such a fun spirit. She is also an amazing teacher and has started her own photography business in Tennessee! Here is how she answered my question:
“When the doctor told us that there were two babies on our ultrasound, I knew nothing was going to be what I had dreamed it would be. Little did I know it was going to be better!
I remember a huge struggle for me was going out by myself with my girls. Here I would be carrying two car seats , a diaper bag, and my purse and looking a total mess. I’m sure I was a sight to see. The more I went out the better I got at it. I look back now and just laugh at how much I would sweat and what I must have looked like to everyone around. Now I understand why I got so many sympathetic looks.”
Meet Linda: Linda is mama to a son, Nathan, and daughter, Susanne, both who are now over the age of twenty. She is also my wonderful MIL and “Grandma” to Roman! Through her motherhood journey she has done it all in terms of the work force—she’s been a full-time working mom, stay at home mom, and part-time working mom. She never meets a stranger and is so welcoming to all. Here is how she answered my question:
“Motherhood has many stages along with a multitude of challenging moments...I certainly can't begin to select just one as many come to mind. But without a doubt they all have a common denominator which revolves around self-expression and independence with mighty doses of strong willed personalities. Most of these occasions were exhibited in the toddler years but certainly not absent from the years beyond. The challenge for me was how to deal with these moments with a loving heart, parental guidance and discipline. I learned early on to pick my battles wisely and try to remember that my children were learning and sometimes their behaviors manifested from their own frustration and just simply being a child. Most scenarios I can now look back upon and chuckle, but my level of frustration in the moment didn't always allow for any laughter but required more control and restraint on my part.
One of the memorable challenging moments that stands out to me is the occasion that my toddler son decided to have a complete melt down and full-blown temper tantrum in the grocery store aisle. I can't recall what made him so mad but he was determined to share it with everyone. As a mom it was beyond embarrassing, but I found comfort in the comment from the "seasoned" mother that passed by and said "Oh, I remember those days" as she grinned. I knew this would pass. Another tantrum occurred at the beauty salon as he was getting a haircut. There was a complete display of blubbering and kicking. He lost his bicycle privileges for a week after that misbehavior and we went to the barber from then on.
My daughter had different moments of self-expression. Her fashion choices came early and weren't always what I would choose. I found myself explaining to people that she dressed herself today as I smiled. I chose not to battle that self-expression but learned to compromise by jointly selecting outfits the night before so mornings would go smoother. She also loved chocolate candy. I remember one day she wanted a piece of candy and I told her no. She was quiet for a while, but soon returned to share with me that “chocolate candy made bunnies hop." “Interesting," I said. Then she asked me if I wanted to see her “hop like a bunny?” Pretty clever, but I still had to say no. She wasn't very happy.
Motherhood always has a learning curve in motion. Just when you think you have it figured out....it changes. Be patient and enjoy. These moments don't last forever.”
Meet Sheila: Sheila is mama of four—one daughter, Claire, then a son, Craig, then twin sons, Thomas and Derek, who are all over the age of twenty now. She is an energizer bunny and is another amazing and brilliant woman and attorney that I get to work with and learn from. She has a heart of gold for volunteering and is the most caring and hard-working person I know. Here is how she answered my question:
“I had a 2-year-old, a 1 year old and infant twins. One night the 1 year old started crying after the others finally fell asleep. I think he was teething but at that point I hadn’t slept through the night for almost a year. So, I picked up the 1 year old and took him to our screened in porch and placed him in a port a crib there and closed the door. It was springtime so temp was fine. I then fell asleep on the couch and felt both relief and guilt. I can laugh now at what I did. Don’t be so hard on yourself and know that everything you do is out of love and sometimes just for survival. 😉”
Meet Ann: Ann is mama to two daughters, Amy and Ali, who are now both over the age of twenty. She is also my loving and wonderful mother and “Mimi” to my niece, Audrey, nephew, Ryan, and my son, Roman! She is incredibly driven and dedicated to loving and caring for our family. She is also wonderfully kind and has such a beautiful heart for seeking Jesus. Currently, she lives half way across the world from me in China. If I could be just a sliver of the mother to Roman that she has been to me, then I’d see myself as a successful mom. Here is how she answered my question:
“Telling a preteen and early teenager that I was moving them half way around the world away from family and friends was not the highlight of my time as a parent with kids at home! "You are ruining my life!" still reverberates in my mind as I think back on that day. (I thought I was making a good decision for our family, but was I really?) With most parenting decisions, there are a lot of gray areas. I wasn't sure if it was the right decision at the time but I prayed about it and tried to look at the big picture of life. Today, my grown children thank me for giving them the opportunity to live in two countries other than their own and I am living in my fourth country without them.”
Ann's teenage daughters with her husband, Randy, in the middle of their move overseas...and now!
So did you guys enjoy meeting these mamas as much I've enjoyed sharing them with you?! Remember to follow along all year as they make more appearances and share more about their particular motherhood journeys on the blog! I am so looking forward to sharing their different mama voices with you!
And just in case you're wondering...if I had to answer my own question, I would say that my most challenging motherhood moment so far was when I took a road trip to Hilton Head Island with just Roman and I when he was a year old. I had not been on a long road trip with just him and I yet. Unlike most children that nap in cars, Roman did not nap...AT ALL....and I had the brilliant idea of leaving right around nap time. He was overly tired and screamed the entire five+ hour trip. It was one of those quick weekends, and a few days later, I had to make the return trip. Again, he screamed and cried and didn't sleep more than ten minutes. Those hours of non-stop screaming were long and exhausting, and near the end, I lost it. I screamed so loudly that I swear my eyeballs vibrated in my head. Not my proudest mom moment. After that, I did something I said I wouldn't do, and Roman got his very own iPad (courtesy of Roman's "G," my dad). Honestly, it was the best decision for our family and road trips go so smoothly now! Looking back at that one horrible, never-ending trip, I can now laugh (and I also have so much more sympathy for those mamas who have colic babies)!
I'd love to know--what has been one of your most challenging motherhood moments that you can now laugh at?